Didn’t realize it had been ages since I last wrote here.
Time flies when you’re having fun, however, I think it would be pretty much the opposite here. Being busy is fun until that one moment where you realize what exactly is keeping you occupied. Looking closely at your closeted situation, life once again feels monotonous, you realize that your life has been exactly the same since before you brought a new activity into your life except you masked your eyes with the allure of unrealistic thoughts for the moment & finally the mask fell & everything was laid out to see how exactly everything has been.
The birds still chirp every morning, I still don my grey sweater everyday, & expect a twist to somehow enter my life with a bang. Deep down I know nothing ever changes & so I quietly confuse my already befuddled brain once more to make something unimportant the highlight of my day.
Yes. Life is monotonous once again. Well, until I once again forget about the present & dream about never happening thoughts that reign through my mind, I’m condemned to realize that life never changes. Its just our perception over time.
Perception of how our life is, depends on the outcomes of our actions – instead of owning up to our mistakes, we blame the world for showing us something we do not expect. Those who manage to realize that the mistake is their own somehow end up stating that it is society & the people around them that led them down that road. On the contrary, if the outcome works in their favor, all the praise is captured with the net of ego & no one is ready to share that lonely solitary spotlight of the hour with the thoughts & ideas of others that led them there.
That is just one the uneven facets of the forever twisted nature of us humans. We just want to remain happy no matter what it takes. We’re like the modern day Oedipus on our own, we run away from our fate & then without knowing it catches up with us. Once we finally face our deepest fears we realize that life is once again not what it seems & we wish we could somehow turn back the sands of time until that moment where our suspicions were nothing but our own paranoia trying to perhaps warn us about our impending future. Like Oedipus we turn blind [metaphorically in our case] by the end just for the sake of running away from what has been revealed. Or we die a sad causeless death like his daughter where the world ceases to remember that there was a presence that used to walk across it once long ago.
We’re just human, with neurotic tendencies, we’re no superheroes well not atleast the type that are blessed with powers. We are simply weaklings, we don’t have to fight our daily fiends & foes of everyday, they are no masked evil doers who are bent on taking over the world ; there are just us & our feelings locked inside waiting to emerge & change who we are.
Even as I sit here, I’m deluding myself into thinking that I’m doing something worthwhile, something that will make a mark. But my mind questions the veil I’ve put around it. All it asks me is;
Is anyone really listening?