Finality.

Okay I’ve got to make this real quick cause’ surprise surprise, I have no time anymore.

Anyhow to start with I’m back. Time kinda flew in the middle & then stopped & then flew some more – yehh it was weird. Anyway, so not much to say, all I can admit is that I miss everyone, I’m worried about my gran & I cooked. Yeh I cooked real desi food haha. Everyone liked it except me but anyhow.

Okay & school’s started, & I’m uber nervous now cause’ I don’t know if I can do it. I feel so completely broken & I feel hollow when I tell someone that I want to get into medical cause’ for some reason, it seems so impossible. I feel like a loser in & out. But enough about all this self loathing, I already spent nights agonizing over this inane feeling of despair & hopelessness. I just need to find a new way to bring back what I’ve lost. I just hope I can do it.

Other than that, I’ve wasted the past 2 days watching movies – ironic, I know. But there was this 1 movie that made me feel a little better. It was this 1 scene from this movie ‘Little Ms. Sunshine’ where Frank, her older brother finds out he can’t become a pilot because he’s colour blind – & then breaks his vow of silence. That kinda put my life in retrospect, I might just have to be in the same place one day.

Anyhow I’m messed up as always, I need some real reassurance that no one can give. I should just let it be & move on.