A day in my mind.
I’m having god awful mood swings, the kinds where one minute I feel restless, the other I feel annoyed & blame the world for everything wrong in life or I just laugh at everything. I don’t know what’s brought this on, but its a horrible time. It happens every few weeks, & I really don’t know what to do. I need a shrink.
I’ve started swearing a lot more than I usually do, & its annoying the hell out of me because I do not like doing something that everyone else does. At the same time, it actually feels good & that makes me feel bad. I’m a complete whirlwind of emotions right now.
I feel paranoid & I feel restless, & I feel like staying up & sleeping, being productive & wasting my time, eating & starving, honestly, I can’t decide what to do, everything feels like it needs to be done right now. I feel like I’m wasting my time here on earth & I can’t decide wether to sit back & watch it slip by or to actually do something worthwhile because I’m wondering, what’s the use really?
I want to talk to someone but at the same time hold out because I wanna know my limits, how far will I go before insanity catches up with me ?
These days I feel like I need my old friends .. maybe its because I feel guilty for having new ones or the fact that everyone’s so busy now I feel like I’m losing them all. I don’t know what to do, honestly, I need an answer, I need to find my way out of this mess I’m creating & I also know that no one can help me but myself – & the only way I can help myself is to either talk it out or take pills – both of which require the help of someone else. Paradoxic much ? I know.
God save me.