The Last Night You’ll Spend Alone.
I just experienced pure, unadulterated bliss last night – it was the kinda of time that I felt like I owned the frkkn world. No one, mattered anymore, it was just time & me, nothing could interfere in what I was part of.
In that one hour, I felt like I was part of something more majestic, something that I knew others could feel yet I still felt so alone that it made me awe at the beauty of the singularity I was living.
I was probably the only one outside for roughly a radius of 1 km, no soul around me & I felt so safe & so calm, it was a feeling I had literally never felt before & probably won’t feel again for as long as I live. & all I wanted to do was walk. I wanted to run, to just visit each part of the compound as fa as I could go.
I could hear dogs barking in the distance, but like I said, nothing mattered anymore. Fear didn’t exist. I wanted friends with me too, just so they could experience what I was experiencing, but I knew I needed this time alone for myself.
And all around me, all I could see were stars up in the sky and dead unlit buildings, quiet for the first time. I made me feel like I was the only one who could experience such awesomeness, and the weather helped more than anything else. It was cold, but not too cold and if could, I would’ve sat outside the whole night just to take it all in.
It was the exact break I needed from the world, from technology, from people & myself too.
For the first time in years, it was like I was free of so many things, of all my mistakes, my responsibilities, my feelings, and all that drama in my life. I’d never felt so light.
Back in my room now, everything’s already crept back into my head again, my studies, my friends, my wants & needs, the fear of the future, all that drama involving him that I went through ..
Damn. Last night, it was almost like all this had never happened, & reality no longer existed. For that short time, though all the walls surrounding me hadn’t disappeared, I could move out of them and see the world without worrying for once.
I want to wish that that night come again, but I won’t. Mostly because I know it will result in a beautiful disaster in comparing to what that night was like. Instead, I’m going to keep it all in my head, remember it, & thank God for looking out for me always. He knows exactly what to give me when I’m least expecting it.