The Hardest Part, Was Letting Go, Not Taking Part.
A single piece of paper with a clumsily written ’sorry’ cannot fix what has been ruined when emotions take over your mind, body & soul. Saying ‘sorry’ does not symbolize the retracting guilt you now feel, it is but a hastily spoken phrase, a clichéd term used by everyone in society. It is an ordinary 5 lettered word that has been run down with it being constantly used as an abdicating noose that pulls you out of that hopeless situation that you feel trapped in. In that moment, you are ready to take the plunge, to purge yourself of all that guilt, that empty deep whirlpool of nothingness that is making your insides collapse with its sheer atrocious power.
The more you think about saying sorry, the more ridiculous the whole notion seems. You wonder why you got yourself in such a position, think about all the possibilities that could’ve/can happen if you just get it all off your chest. Unfortunately, it is not that easy. We’re scared beyond reasoning about the consequences of this surreal scene of vulnerability. We do not know how to move forward, we cannot go back because our conscience won’t let us. Like Dante, the only way to the purgatory is to face the major predicament that is barricading it. We may fight it at first, determined to show ourselves that we are unaffected, but at the end, the only thing left to do would be to accept defeat in order to win back what we have lost in the first place. However, even at the end, no matter how hard you try or no matter how many times you accept your defeat, you cannot gain back everything. Little bits of the past have fallen off, unrecoverable & buried deep under the prodigious sands of time. Only a fool would quest to retrieve a spiritless piece of your former life, because once you lose yourself to time, you are eternally bound within.