Okay I know I’m weird. Deal with it.
I haven’t written here since last monthh but truth be told, there’s not really much I’d write about here anymore. I can feel depression coming along & I’m convinced I do undergo highs & lows. My highs are exhilarating, makes me feel unbelievably good for days, filling me with happiness for no reason, moments that I love, & moments where nothing effects me even a little bit because I’m just too damn happy.
But then there are moments like these where I have to constantly remind myself that nothing is wrong with my life to hold myself back from falling into spiraling depression. I mean when I think about it, there’s nothing really wrong with me , nothing’s going out of the control but I think it’s just that I want something new & exciting in my life. Something to take all this off of my head. Ugh idk.
What am I doing honestly ?
Like why am I procrastinating ? Why am I not doing something productive with my life, with my future ? Why am I fucking it all up ?
Why am I so self-indulgent? Is that all my life is, thinking about my pathetic existence instead of focusing on undoing the nothingness it holds ?
Seriously, melodramatic me should seriously go die.