On my day off.
Today’s my day off from all the things in life that make me go around in circles. I’ve got things to do, goals to cover; perhaps even clean up the messes I’ve made trying to get here, but not today. Today I want to relax & let everything be, give a little something to the future me to worry about.
I feel like staying in bed all day in my PJ’s, tying my hair up & rolling under the covers. I feel like watching tv shows that make me happy, or if it were possible, to go climb a distant green hill & watch the clouds move by. I want to listen to Trespassers William, wear a summer dress & somehow magically end up in a busy Spanish bazaar. I want to go out for lunch with my boyfriend, by the seaside as we watch the waves disappear.
[Yes, old Hollywood cliches are what I want to relive.]
I could go on.
The limitations to what I want to do today are endless. I want to hold on to this day, just this one day because it seems so perfect – almost too good to be true; these fleeting moments are dying & cannot be revived.
So what now?
The clock’s ticking away & I’m here, still in bed, with my hair tied up & my PJ’s on, under the covers. Wasn’t that the purpose of today?
We set too many unrealistic goals for ourselves, wishing, wanting to get everything over with because we’re running out of time. That’s life. It will make you panic & worry for as long as you have it in you. It will play with your emotions, throw you into limbo, yet it’s the closest thing that’ll ever link you to happiness.
Most of us will lock away what we don’t like about life in a tiny little imaginary box within our minds when happiness shines through. but when life starts getting tough, the box opens, letting out everything that mentally scars us, coming down upon us like a house of cards. It’s a beautiful disaster, that’s all it is.
We cry, we scream, asking ourselves cliches like, ‘why did this happen to me?’ or ‘why didn’t anyone tell me life was going to be like this?’ – well guess what? Life is what you make it, you choose your own destiny knowing the consequences of your choices yet you decide to pretend that you’ll get lucky & not face them, like they’ll cease to exist eventually. But life is ying & yang, & what goes around always comes back around. Life is influenced by karma, that’s what balances the world.
But enough of half-baked philosophical thoughts. This day’s too short for that. I feel like dozing off again. What was the purpose of writing all this? I really don’t know. Perhaps a memoir for when I find myself moving too fast, or when I just feel like telling myself I might get lucky again someday being blessed with a day like today.
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- March 8, 2012 / 12:02 pm