Subconscious warfare.

Dreams have always had such an explicit way of toying with my emotions, even after I get up. I usually enjoy dreaming – I always set up a test for myself where I get up & immediately try to recall what I’ve dreamt about, & usually it’s cause’ I wake up feeling happy. 

However these days, my dreams consist more of nightmares, unhappy scenerios & things that are an amalgamation of my over-thinking; things that I usually, successfully block out of my head during the day, things that creep up on me at night when my defenses are down. 

I usually try not to dwell on them, but on days like today, it leaves behind a gaping big hole where my heart is. I try to forget & move on from something that just seems impossible. I just don’t want to do this anymore because I wake up a million times at night just to break out of it. 
I envy people around me these days who have something, someone to look forward to when they wake up because even if they have nightmares, they have a release .. I just hope that I can experience that again one day. 

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